Friday, November 22, 2013

Friday Uckfery

Being funemployed has afforded me a fair amount of freeeeee time over the last few months, some (but not enough) of which I've spent in the gym.

Because I love nothing more than watching people and giving them judgey eyes, I've been collecting in my brain the most bizarre and irritating things I've seen so far...

1. The Kid People. You guys, your kids don't belong IN the gym. If your little sunshine is running around unsupervised while you "use" the treadmill to walk a 2.0mph pace so you can say you worked out while watching tv, that that isht outside. Go to a damn park.

Don't let the hellion play with a giant exercise ball and bounce it around until it LODGES UNDER MY TREADMILL belt and stops it while I'm running.

2. The Fakers. Did you know, if you're standing on the sides of the treadmill while the belt runs, you're not actually doing any work, so those miles DON'T EVEN COUNT? I know, it's true. Samesies for the ones who jack up the incline on the treadmill, push the pace up to 2.3, and lean waaaaay back and hold on for dear life. 
This counts. 

3. My New BFF. If I'm in the gym, chances are good that I'm there with a plan in mind. That plan probably didn't involve becoming your new BFF. Let me work out in peace.

4. The Confused Ones. The treadmill is not that confusing. The buttons are all labeled. Up goes faster, down goes slower, the big red one stops everything. 

5. I CHANGED MY MIND, UNDO UNDO UNDO! The first time, I thought it was just someone that forgot something. But since it's happened a few times, I'm assuming this is a thing people just do, coming into the gym for 5-10 minutes, jumping from machine to machine without realllllly doing anything, and just leaving. Did they just suddenly realize this was not what they intended to do, at all?
I feel you.

6. The Drama Llama. We get it. You are working hard. So is almost everyone else. Is the exaggerated sweat wipe and heaving breaths necessary? 

7. You Faaaaancy. This is more because I'm jealous than anything, but if you come in and bust out some super fast 5k on the neighboring treadmill, and jump off looking refreshed and shiny, I hate you a little.

I think that's it. People are weird. 

Hope everyone has a good weekend! #1 is running her last race to qualify for states tomorrow, so keep your fingers crossed for her - they have a solid chance, so we could be headed up to Fresno over Thanksgiving!


  1. Good luck to # 1!

    Your description of the gym reminds me of the time I spent in the sauna at the gym, observing the weird people who went in there. They'd go in the sauna and sweat, thinking they did a workout. They'd bring their cell phones in the sauna and have a conversation with someone on the other end, telling them they were working out. I secretly hoped the heat would fry the cell phone and weld it to their hand.

  2. Awesome!
    #8. Just because you can lift that amount of weights, does not make you look cool no matter how hard you try. Slamming it on the ground loud enough to wake up the devil and scaring the crap out of me also doesn't make you look cool. You only did one set of four.

    #9. By me turning my back for a second to lift up my dumb bells does not make the exercise ball free.

  3. This is great! I only swim at the gym these days. I must hit the cardio room for entertainment soon.

    Ahhhh....Fresno for Thanksgiving. I can't think of a better place to be. Go #1!

  4. Yep. that is pretty much what happens at the gym ALL THE TIME. My favorites are the people that walk for like 6 minutes, sprint for 45 seconds then leave.


  5. That little dog on the treadmill made my day.

  6. seriously dying!!! this describes way too many at the gym. i am not missing that stupid elliptical and the gym and the 10 minute workout-ers.

  7. This was completely hilarious!! I always wonder about those people who come in and work out for 5 minutes...I don't get it. Maybe it's just because they legitimately want to say that worked out that day...but um I don't think that counts.

  8. Now that I am a former treadmill hater and current treadmill lover, this post is AWESOME. Also, I love that dog.


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