I swear, I'm losing my mind.
I went out for a run last night, and... panicked. Like I've never run a day in my life. This is what happened in my head:
It's cold. It's windy. It's dark. I think my calf feels funny. Does my knee hurt? I can feel my shoe rubbing my achilles... is that new? Has it always done that? Why does my heel feel weird? Does it feel weird? I should have braided my hair. It's going to annoy me. Is this jacket too warm? It's sooooo windy. I hate wind. Running into the wind is going to be tough. It's cold. I think my knee hurts.
And then I quit.
I went home, and finished making dinner (vegetarian Puerto Rican food for me, so made TWO meals, really), and ate, and foam rolled my possibly-imaginary pains.
But the crazy continued this morning. I was going to wear jeans and boots, because suddenly, SoCal has remembered that it's still winter, and it's freezing here. But I didn't want to wear boots - what if the heel aggrivated my knee?! I wore flat boots instead. Then spent the walk into the office questioning every twinge in my legs. Did that hurt? Does it feel funny?
I spend all day obsessing over details - studying the course map, stalking dining reservations (Cinderella's Royal Table, SCORE! Le Cellier has evaded me so far...), pretending I'm going to stop obsessing by focusing my obsession on the other two half's I've registered for, studying THOSE maps, back to obsessing over Princess. It's a circle.
This morning I melted down a little. All these runs I've skipped.. last night was truly the only one that I've skipped FOR NO LEGIT REASON. And now I'm panicking. What if I DON'T FINISH?? What if I get swept?! What if I just suck?
One of my fave blogs, Cotter Crunch, posted about this feeling the other day... Where you just feel like you're... waiting for something. Not sure what, but... something.
I guess, at this point, I've done what I could for training. The 4 runs I have scheduled before Princess aren't going to make my race, right? I'm pretty much as prepared as I'm gonna get. I just need to shut up, and do it. I'm getting nothing done by worrying about everything.
And I hate not getting anything done.
Why are I am crazy.
You "are am not crazy". Everyone worries about a big race. And you are right, you have trained, prepared and you are ready. You are going to have the most amazing time at Disney. How can you not? Aren't you going to meet up with the ultimate Disney tour guide, Ronda?
ReplyDeleteI am so jealous, but since I'm injured I probably would've had to pull out of the race completely.
Have fun for those of us that are living through our imaginary friends!
Crazy is normal before a big race! You're going to be just fine. Breathe, breathe!
ReplyDeleteYep, chalk it up to taper madness. It would be more weird if you didn't feel that way.
ReplyDeleteHA! I was also going to say "breathe, breathe"!!!
ReplyDeleteOh my, you are sooo ready and are going to blow it out of the water!
ReplyDeleteWait a minute, did I just right these? Are you living in my head and you just put my thoughts on your blog??
ReplyDeleteI swear I am the same way! I try to tell myself not to panic because at this point there is nothing else I can do. We are as ready as we can be.
But then I start to worry about what to wear in general. Last year I packed for warm and it was cold. So this year I shopped for cold, but now it looks warm. I'm packing for BOTH! But then I have to find things to match my red/black shoes because I've been told to NOT wear flip flops in the days before the race. AAAGGGHHH!!!
Stress!
BUT .... the good news is WE'RE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!!
I'm sorry, but I had to laugh. This is too funny. Taper madness is a BITCH, no?
ReplyDeleteyes, just time to breathe now. You've done everything. Focus on the stuff, like you said. And enjoy the taper. hard, I know!
ReplyDeleteCheers!
LC
I've seen your name before on comment boards :-) I saw the title of this blog on another roll and had to check it out. Best blog name ever! My desktop says, "There is no charge for awesomeness" which is from Kung Fu Panda.
ReplyDeleteYou're going to be great! You've done the work...now enjoy the ride!!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad I found you through Marcia! Sound like you have the pre-race/taper crazies. No worries- you will do great! Hope you have a wonderful race and trip!
ReplyDelete