I was composing blog posts in my head during miles 8-12 about maybe, finally, feeling like a runner.
I mean, I know I RUN. I know I run at races, and collect shiny medals. I felt like I finally had a pretty legit 10K time a few weeks ago. But, I don't know, it just felt like... maybe I was just a "jogger". Gasp, I know. I know. I say that kind of facetiously, but it seemed like I was running, but not a runner.
Until Saturday, when I was breezing through 12 magical miles like it was nothing. THEN, it was like I turned a corner.
Suddenly, I was a runner. Not just playing at running. A for real, actual runner.
And then I woke up Tuesday, and felt like a slug. I let myself skip my Tuesday easy 7 miles. I justified this, saying I'd make it up in the morning, before the conditioning class. I'm already getting up at 5, how bad could 4 be?
Turns out, it is REALLY, REALLY BAD.
I got out of bed with plenty of time to do 7. And then I putzed around being lazy.
I left the house with enough time to do 6. And I got to the gym, and sat in my car blasting the heater, and sitting in quiet.
I got in the gym with enough time to do 5. And then I started, and it was terrible. I slugged through 2.5 miles, with walk breaks (WALK BREAKS!). I glanced at the clock, and realized if I ran 10:30 pace I could finish with 5 miles. So I ran.
And then I stopped at 4.25, and walked .25 to cool down.
LAME.
And THEN, I went to conditioning class, and was generally a bitter, mean bitch to very nice people.
Sorry about that, nice people.
I don't know WHAT my funk is, but it's annoying even ME, so I can't imagine being The H right now.
I've spent the last 36 hours pondering WHY I would think I could run 26.2 miles. I baaaarely made it through 4, and it was ugly. 22 more of THAT? I might die.
I'm, right now, fairly certain I will at the very least suck at it.
So the only natural thing to do is book my flight to Seattle, and start hotel shopping for San Fran.
Tonight, I'm supposed to do hill repeats. I've spent HOURS dicking around with map my run trying to plot JUST the right hill, with flat allllllll around it so I can run my warm up and remainder of my 7 miles after. Do you know what's remarkably hard to find? A lone, long, random hill surrounded by flat land.
Blah.
Sorry this post is so dramatic and whiny and lame. I'm feeling dramatic and whiny and lame, so I thought I'd share. Tomorrow will be better.
This is definitely one of my fave blog posts of yours ever.Frickin' hilarious. Certainly my ability to empathize with the questioning whether or not I'm a runner thing, and my blatant laziness of late helps! Thanks for making me realize that I'm not alone. XO
ReplyDeletesome runs suck, I suggest you forget the sucky one and remember that great one!
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate to this. I will tell you that there are ridiculously stupid hard and annoying runs. All the time. I very often will struggle with a 3,4,5 mile run. They just happen sometimes. For no apparent reason. But there are usually magical runs to make up for them. And of course you can run a marathon. It's going to be awesome.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the first commenter- even though you felt sucky, this is a great post of yours. I'm on the other end of the running spectrum compared to you (bad runner who usually gives up vs good runner who usually runs races and kicks ass) so this is kind of encouraging to me. I can relate.
ReplyDeleteI can sooooo relate! Some days (or weeks) it just all seems to go completely to pot! Thank you for sharing and helping me feel more human. And don't worry - you're in great shape and running plenty :)
ReplyDeleteYou have to have the bad, or how would you know how great the good is?
ReplyDeleteI had a hideous 12 miler last weekend. I mean hideous. And i thought i wasn't a runner anymore and how could i run 20 and be ready for a marathon and then not be able to do 12. I sucked. and I bitched. And then this week I got over it and put my head back in the game because i have 26.2 this week. Not all runs are great, many runs are not even good, but its figuring out how to change your head that is what defines you as a runner. You can do this.
ReplyDeleteand ps. you should sign up for caspers and do trails/hills with me next sunday.
It's all okay. Soon you will pass through the bitchy stage and become yourself again. And the running will keep getting better. As long as you work at it, you will improve. Even "old" ladies like me get PRs. Just remember to forgive yourself for the bad days.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure we are occupying the same headspace right now. Here's to getting the hell OUT of it!
ReplyDeleteSometimes it's great. Sometimes it's not. It's the fact that you keep trying is what makes you a superstar!! 26.2 will be nothing for you!
ReplyDeletewhat Kim said.
ReplyDeleteand it will pass.
it is normal.
we have all been there and sadly we will all go back...booo
You're not alone. I go back and forth between "I LOVE THIS" and "I HATE THIS" about every 15 minutes.
ReplyDeleteI think this happens to everyone. Not that my sage comment makes it better but you are not alone in questioning if you are a runner or not. But when I feel like a punk butt I try to remind myself that at least I am out here running even if it is at a crawl which is more than a lot of people can say.
ReplyDeletehave to have the bad to appreciate the good! :) but you crack me up. and i NEVER thought i would run more than 3-4 miles in my life. i have since run 4 marathons. YOU can definitely do it!
ReplyDelete